Nostalgia

Sitting next to the window with the rain pouring outside and music streaming in through your earphones, you close your eyes and take in a deep breath. You feel homesick, all over again. That’s the thing about spending your holidays away from home. No matter what you do, whoever you talk to, whatever you do to distract yourself; you will be engulfed by this wave of nostalgia that washes over you and makes you pause and catch your breath. Birthdays, Durga puja, Diwali, Bhai phonta- these are only the beginning of the countless occasions that you’re will be celebrating away from your family.

You try to make yourself be indifferent to all this. Just as the way you've been trying to be indifferent about other stuff. “It’s alright”, you tell yourself. “You’re making a big deal out of this. Pfft.” Yet, you find yourself staring into the distance, your books lying on the table, all forgotten. You start creating all these imaginary scenarios inside your head. Boarding a flight back to Kolkata and surprising your family by your unannounced visit; all the deadlines and obligations swept aside, temporarily. You imagine spending time with your family, going out on long walks with your friends; laughing and talking as if the months of separation never existed. You imagine yourself relishing on phoochka, maach bhaja, gorom khichuri and beguni, biriyani, ilish maach but not shorshe ilish; rather, you like the way your mom prepares it; the pieces floating in a curry of chopped brinjal, onions and capsicum. You miss the way your dad made you breakfast on weekends. You miss the omelettes stuffed with fried tomatoes, capsicum and peas. You miss the pasta and the noodles. You miss the sweets that were prepared by namma on numerous occasions. Payesh, nadu and peethe- things that she would make every time you came to visit her. You miss the aloo bhat and pepe korola shiddho.  You miss the way how dadu would greet you with a warm, tight hug and a gummy smile and every time that happens, you  feel happy and sad at the same time; happy to see him happy by your presence and sad by wondering whether this was the last time you were seeing him alive.

You even miss your brother Neel. You spent your entire childhood fighting with him; engaging in vicious fights that would put wrestlers to shame. The mortal combats; running around the house dodging each other’s hits and then the subsequent retaliation.  An eye for an eye .A tooth for a tooth. This was your war slogan. However, now you miss him. You miss your little brother though he’s not little anymore. He’s taller than you and he’s not modest about it either. He reminds you all the time that you’re short and fat. He’ll show his flat stomach and grin with glee. You show your middle finger and smile sarcastically. You love the way he turns shy when you probe him about his crushes. He turns red in embarrassment when you ask him shamelessly about other stuff.  His nostrils would flare and his lips would stretch out in a sheepish smile; wondering what he did to get a sadistic and shameless sister like you.

You miss your dad. Though you've never been close to him, you can no longer maintain a cold disposition towards him.  You can’t ignore the fact that as you’re growing up, he’s growing old. Both of you are turning mellow with age and beginning to see eye to eye on more stuff lately.

You miss your mom the most. You’re a self-proclaimed momma’s girl. You’re really close to her. You share your secrets with her. She knows about every boyfriend and every heartbreak. You can deduce her mood by the sound of her voice. She knows you like the back of her hand. Sometimes, your roles reverse and you start preaching her. Feeling lonely? You call her. Feeling happy? Call her again. Feeling tensed about your exams and can’t sleep? Well, you've even called her at 4 in the morning (it’s worth mentioning that it was the third call).

You miss your family. You miss your friends. You miss your city, Kolkata. You miss home. You take in a deep breath and sigh. You stare at the raindrops as they hang from the window frame.